


ive been thinkin bout forever

by panlesters



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012 Phan, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, i felt a need
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:34:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21684583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panlesters/pseuds/panlesters
Summary: sometimes dan has to take a break from who he is, and sometimes that includes taking a break from phil.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 47





	ive been thinkin bout forever

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by dans spotify wrapped, angsty but soft idk 
> 
> title from thinkin bout you by frank ocean

Dan's really not sure why Phil is still here. All Dan has been this year is distant. Refusing any closeness on camera, flinching at every unexpected touch. He hasn't left Dan once. Even on the nights when Dan has hated himself too much to share a bed with Phil, he's given Dan his space, an understanding smile, a promise of love. 

There was a time when Dan felt like he was secure. Like it was Dan and Phil against the world, like they were unbreakable. Now, curled up alone in his bed, Dan feels like he's finally been broken. He needs Phil. He just feels like that comfort, he needs things how they are. He tries dropping a text, but when there is no reply he knows Phil is asleep, and he really is alone. 

Reaching for his phone and headphones, he knows he can find some comfort in Frank Ocean. He holds the pillow tighter as the words flow into his ears. There are tears falling before he realises he's crying, and he wipes his eyes as he tries to listen to the lyrics. 

_Do you not think so far ahead? Cause I've been thinkin bout forever, woah._

It's soft, gentle. It's calming. It lulls him into a doze until he hears a text come through. He's about to collect his things together when he feels the bed dip beside him. 

"Phil." His voice breaks a little, even at a whisper. He pulls his headphones out and rolls over. Even in the dark, he can see Phil's expression. A sleeved hand comes up to wipe across his cheek, and already he feels at ease. There's something about Phil's presence that makes Dan feel like he's taken care of. The pillow is immediately abandoned in place of the real thing. He curls into a ball in Phil's arms. His face is peppered with kisses until he can't feel the tears any more. From somewhere, Phil produces a glass of water, like he knows Dan won't look after himself when he's in this state. Phil strokes Dan's back as he drinks and then they settle back down together. 

"Don't leave me," Dan whispers in the dark.

"Never," Phil promises. 

"I'm so shit right now, Phil, I'm so sorry." 

"Dan-" 

"I'm gonna be better, Phil," he insists. "You deserve better and I'm gonna be that for you." 

He's made a lot of empty promises in his life, but he will keep this one, if it kills him.

Dan's not sure when he falls asleep but the night is a haze of soft touches, familiar kisses, and strong, comforting arms. 

It's not perfect, even after that. Some nights, he still struggles to accept the love that Phil wants to give him. But he's working through it. Sometimes, he still has to sit on his own, and let the gentle Frank Ocean words float through him. 

_Do you not think so far ahead? Cause I've been thinkin bout forever, woah._

It reminds him what he's doing this for. A forever.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! comments are appreciated, come scream at me @ panlesters on tumblr


End file.
